Marcus Kam's Diary

OOC Notes
This is a book that is written by Marcus Kam. This is his diary which he holds with him at all times. Nobody besides for the people who have ICly obtained this book are allowed to use any information written here ICly.

The characters who are able to completly tap into history and and mind of Marcus can however read this. Of course this has to be done in an RP and the Characters must be listed below.
 * Jane 'Lilith' von Rarnez

In Surenia we use the regular dates and times to keep this more simple. This means your character would write March 18th, 12:38 AM, 1013 (We only take off a 1000 years)

Surenia (talk) 23:40, March 17, 2013 (UTC)

Entry #1
Dear diary, it's been 7670 days since my beloved has dissapear. This sadens me but the gods has shined upon me, i have met someone who might be my savior. Her name Jane or Lilith,Queen of vampire, she luckly manage to be in one of my classes. As my bloodthirst grows more and more hungry i feel my sanity slowly flowing away from me. This hobby i follow can only slow down this progress. I fear that if my heart does not be healed soon I might actually lose it. Hah, ya i know me losing it. Funny isn't it. But jane... she managed to summon something i thought i have lost forever. The feeling to care or was it called sympathy, i don't know for now but something is going on. I understand this sound very silly coming for someone whos hobby is to mutilate corpse but... i guess im still human after all.

Entry #2
Today was the day that she walked away from the face of surenia. Sad but i would not cry as i have already cried all my tears. For some reason, my sanity has been flowing away again. Now every time i slice,crush,burn someone i no longer feel the thrill of life. No no no... that not it i no longer feel that .. that thing i cannot describe in words that kept me going even after the hell ive been through.

On another note, i recieved a cute new scalpel  from Jane ill be using it in my next victim, talking about it i recieved a contract with this client to murder some sorte of rapist. Guessed the guy owed to much money. Well i hope ill show him how it feels to be raped. in every sense possible of course.

Entry #3
Hello, today was a usual day, yet...i feel like...something from the past been gasping onto me lately. But i just realised it, since i met Lilith i've been thinking to much of madeleine. I even start rewearing the necklaces she once gave me. But i thought this would help regain some sanity, yet i feel like it's dissipating faster then ever. My kill ratio per week has suprisingly increased from the last month. I need more, but this is weird. I normally was content of 1-3 per week now i need the double. Maybe Jane has to dowith this to. Maybe i mean maybe im just being abit paranoid. Heh....

PS: i've found a nice contract on a high elf. I hope to capture him as fast as possible. Maybe a token of appreciation for Jane.

Entry #4
Dreams .... nightmare. I can no longer see the difference, i normally dream of Madeleine and how good my life was but now i feel like they slowly turning into nightmare. As each time i wake up,i feel like i just wanna sleep...forever and never ever...come back. Be with madeleine, but i know to much that my sins cannot be cleanse. Only thing that awaits me after this life is hell. Am i scared? No, not at all I even feel relieved that someone like me will not go to heaven. I would have to taint the world of perfectness.

Entry #5
Today, i cut myslef, an amateur error while i tried to find my scalpel without looking. But that reflected something, blood... this crimson liquid that i have fantasyse. I wonder when did this start, was it when or after Madeleine was on this world. The only thing i know is, i don't wanna forget her... no never... maybe that why i do this? Or maybe it's jsut an excuse... I'm sorry diary i feel like im writing stuff that just keep on contractdicting itself but the reason i started writing this was when i met Jane....her skin soft as snow and cold as ice and her long silk black hair that i could just cuddle to sleep. A smile that as evilish as it is only warms my body. I thought i no longer felt this but i guess i was wrong. I'm sure this temporary.

Entry #6
It's been a few years since i've done this but, after checking  that the blood was not infect i took a bath. With the blood of my victim. No it's not to torture there soul or anything. It's something I do, so i could think of madeleine. Those hours of peace where nothing but me and madeleine. Even if she not with me i feel here warm gasp while i bath in this sacred liquid.

Entry #7
I dream....no... i didn't dream...i nightmare i could say. I was walking toward a clif where...a girl with long black silk hair and a white pale skin was waiting. I wasn't able to see her face so i walked forward out of curiousity. touching her i felkt the cold skin of a vampire, of my love. When she turned....there..her face...i jane..no madeleine...NO jane (Alot of scribble of those two name would be written.) GOD DAMMIT I DON'T KNOW....MADELEINE... JANE......i can't see clearly anymore.

Entry #8
(A drawing of Jane and Madeleine both looking the other way was drawn it was in black and white)

Entry #9
It's been a while since i wrote. But now i need more then before, today saiko came and wanted stuff. Ill skip that part because i could gave less shit. It's with Jane, I don't know why i care so much about her well being. I even invited her to stay at my house. The last one i asked to live with me was Madeleine, i think...NO NO NO. My dick is thinking instead of my heart and brain. Or is it the other way around..... FUCKKK  DIARY TELL ME.

Entry #10
(Another drawing, this time only Jane. This one was in colour and it drew only her naked back with her silky black hair. He mange to to imagine her naked back after giving her a massage)

Beauty...can only be define with image and not word.

Entry #11
(Ink was spilled all over the page the only words that could be seen was at the start and ending)

I love ...(Ink until ending).....my life.

Entry #12
A wise man once said, after the storm comes the a rainbow. But what if... i didn't want the storm to go away.....if i don't want to leave how it is right now. Maybe i like the storm... the cold weather. I do not want to decide... my heart isn't able. My sanity will brake apart, atleast what is remain as it keeps going down into a drain. Or maybe...i will never be able to leave the storm... maybe even if i tried even if i leave the storm i might just end up in a bigger and harder one....I don't know what im scribbling and blabering about... this just crazy...

Entry #13
I wanna...i just wanna feel her...i wan't my rugged skin to rub agaisnt her cold and soft pale skin. Her cold lips on me would only bring despair  yet my heart think differently. The more i think the more i need her. The more i need of her to more my heart brakes. And only thing that can attend to my heart wounds is to think of her...I might be overly dramatisising thing but i feel like. She the only one that mathers in this twisted life i live in. Her skin as cold as it is...only warms me. I love you (the last word was scribbled into un able to see).

Entry #14
Regma, that asshole. I'm now forced to leave all my belongs....but this wont end this easily i will...Ill protect her. I'll tell her what happend. REgma foolish thingking i would follow those dam orders.

Entry #15
Many days have pass since ive rewrited in this diary. To sum it all up, I self proclaim myself ... self proclaim sounds rather greedy but anyway i selfproclaim myself to be the guardian angle of Jane. With all the power invested in me. She shall not in any circumstance cry or be sad.

Entry #16
I'm in hell....

Entry #17
For the rest of the page (entry 18-25) they were either rip off our covered in blood.

Entry #26
It's been long diary....(A few dry tear drop could be seen). Today i've lost everything and i can't think straight anymore...i once more almost died..twice...I wont be saying anything about those event. But something i need to say is Jane is gone...Atleast she's safe...maybe that somehow might cheer myself up. And for me? I have lately told the director i wont be able to teach the rest of this semester. This will give me enough to look upon my life. Ive already cleaned my house and order new fourniture.